guilt

So the pubs opened last weekend. Having completed my six month target, I’m now free to go to the pub and have a pint of beer…..or am I?

I have been experiencing lots of internal conflict this week. Part of me is yearning for that elusive pint of Peroni but another part of me wants to cherish the purity that I’ve managed to retrieve over the last six months.

Gosh – I’m now at 190 days AF.

I really don’t know how to reconcile my conflicted mind at the moment. My biggest fear is that by having a drink I will feel disappointment and regret.

Here is my split-personality:

Is the taste of a pint of beer worth that now? Is the anxiety risk worth it? How will I feel when I finally sip alcohol again?

versus

I deserve a treat after all of this time. Wouldn’t it be lovely to sit in a pub and drink a pint of beer? I was really craving a glass of wine the other night….well have it then.

Oh the mental torture is unbearable and this is EXACTLY what Annie Grace was talking about. The risk that there is no middle ground. Can moderation exist? Will I be back to square one?

I did go to the pub on Monday. I had a lovely meal with Mum, Dad and Steve. I didn’t drink as I was driving and at the time I used the excuse (a very valid one) that I might not be capable of driving if I had even a half pint of Peroni after all of this time.

We are bound to go out this weekend and so that is when the real torment will be at play.

I’ll keep you posted……….